Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Love, Happiness and Marriage

One of my friends is moving to England (the other side of the world) to be with her fiance. On Sunday she had a farewell barbeque. To say goodbye I made her this:

I also wrote her a letter. At the end of the letter I felt like printing myself out a copy so I could remember my own advice (I especially like the last dot point). Some of this I have learnt, much of it I am still learning. I hope that what I wrote will also benefit you. Here is some of it:

...I wanted to share with you some of the things I have learnt about love and marriage. I hope dot points are okay as I should be working on my university assignment right now.
  • Love is precious, like a rare gemstone that must be guarded. 
  • Love is beautiful. 
  • Love is hard work.
  • Love is worth it.
  • When we love we put the other person before ourselves.
  • We don't love the other person so that we will be happy (that is selfish).
  • We love because that is what we choose to do. 
  • We love because we want to make someone else happy. 
  • Happiness is a by-product of choosing to love someone more than we love ourselves.
  • Many people do not understand that love does not always come naturally.
  • When we aren't feeling the love, we need to choose to be loving anyway.
  • Happiness is not the goal of marriage.
  • Learning to love and cherish someone before ourselves is the goal of marriage. 
  • This first blush of romance and happiness does not last. 
  • If you are committed, something better than what you have now will become yours. 
  • The stability and trust and confidence in a solid relationship where there is dedication and commitment is far more satisfying than the exciting whirl of romance. However... 
  • If you have a good, loving relationship, there will always be romance! 
  • Surprise cuddles are wonderful!
  • Sometimes men get grumpy when we give them a surprise cuddle. Timing can be crucial.
  • When you argue (and you will) do not say “you never...” or “you always...”
  • When you argue, make up before you go to sleep.
  • Say "I love you" everyday.  
  • Do not wait for the other person to apologise first, even if they are wrong. 
  • When you go through a hard day or year (or ten), remember what you have: do not throw it away, but hold onto it, because night does not last forever.
  • Do not try to change the other person, change yourself first.
  • Marriage is something that refines your character and teaches you how to love.
  • Learning to love is a never-ending lesson.
  • Always remember and appreciate what you have!
  • You hold the success and happiness of your marriage in your hands.

Have you got anything that you are bursting to add to this list? Share in a comment :)

Kathy xxx


  1. I'm not married yet but this is applicable to everyone I think:

    Never argue about money because there will never be enough anyway.

    Don't expect the person you are marrying to change after you get married.

    Don't sweat the small stuff.

    Choose the person you love and then keep loving the person you've chosen.

  2. Ash, I love the last point you wrote. So good.


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