Friday, May 28, 2010

Never Never Never Give Up

In April 2009 I went on my first practical experience in a school, as part of the teaching degree I was doing. I thought it went beautifully: I had good feedback throughout and the lessons I had done went well. 

Nearly two weeks after finishing and being thrilled, I was told that actually I had failed - completely and irrevocably.

I cried. For about 3 months.

I have almost always wanted to be a teacher, even playing 'schools' with my siblings. It seemed as though my dreams had been shattered... my confidence was completely broken and I had lost direction... how could I fail my teaching prac? Everyone had always said I would be a great teacher.

The university did not do anything to revoke the unfair assessment (yes, it was unfair). I found out that my degree would take an extra year, all because I failed a 2 week prac.

I tried to continue in my course, but could not function for trying not to burst into tears. I decided to defer for a semester, and thought seriously about quitting entirely.

I could not shake the feeling that I needed to go back, even though I did not want to because I had been so adversely affected by what had happened. It took almost 8 months before I finally handed in my application for acceptance into the new Master of Teaching course. After submitting the application I cried because it was so emotionally difficult for me to do.

I remember thinking, "God, if you want me to do teaching, you need to give me the desire to do this or I will fail again." 

God heard my prayer. One day, towards the end of January, I realised I was starting to get excited about returning to university and studying teaching again.

Today, I completed my first practical experience for the course. I passed with great marks. 

I am so happy, so pleased with myself and so thankful!

When I failed the prac last year, I could not cope with the thought of returning to try again, but I did, and I succeeded. It was hard won, and others would have given up, just as I nearly did.

There might be other negative experiences while I do this course, but I believe I am meant to be a teacher, and by God's grace I will persevere and I will complete what I have set out to do. 

God does not give us dreams or desires for no reason.

Never, never, EVER give up!