In April 2009 I went on my first practical experience in a school, as part of the teaching degree I was doing. I thought it went beautifully: I had good feedback throughout and the lessons I had done went well.
Nearly two weeks after finishing and being thrilled, I was told that actually I had failed - completely and irrevocably.
I cried. For about 3 months.
I have almost always wanted to be a teacher, even playing 'schools' with my siblings. It seemed as though my dreams had been shattered... my confidence was completely broken and I had lost direction... how could I fail my teaching prac? Everyone had always said I would be a great teacher.
The university did not do anything to revoke the unfair assessment (yes, it was unfair). I found out that my degree would take an extra year, all because I failed a 2 week prac.
I tried to continue in my course, but could not function for trying not to burst into tears. I decided to defer for a semester, and thought seriously about quitting entirely.
I could not shake the feeling that I needed to go back, even though I did not want to because I had been so adversely affected by what had happened. It took almost 8 months before I finally handed in my application for acceptance into the new Master of Teaching course. After submitting the application I cried because it was so emotionally difficult for me to do.
I remember thinking, "God, if you want me to do teaching, you need to give me the desire to do this or I will fail again."
God heard my prayer. One day, towards the end of January, I realised I was starting to get excited about returning to university and studying teaching again.
Today, I completed my first practical experience for the course. I passed with great marks.
I am so happy, so pleased with myself and so thankful!
When I failed the prac last year, I could not cope with the thought of returning to try again, but I did, and I succeeded. It was hard won, and others would have given up, just as I nearly did.
There might be other negative experiences while I do this course, but I believe I am meant to be a teacher, and by God's grace I will persevere and I will complete what I have set out to do.
God does not give us dreams or desires for no reason.
Never, never, EVER give up!
Kathy, I can very much relate to what you have said. I did the graduate diploma in counselling, and had every intention of doing Masters. They let 4 people in, and I was number 5. I could barely get out of bed for 3 weeks after finding out I didn't get in, and was crying constantly. I didn't even go to my graduation because I couldn't stop crying. I prayed for help and guidance, as I didn't know what I was suppposed to do if I couldn't do counselling. One morning I woke up, and the first thing I thought was 'I'll apply for teaching'. Teaching was what I had initially planned to do, and that is obviously what God had for me in His plan as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you, that you picked yourself up after a terrible disappointment and went straight back into it. That takes more guts than a lot of people have. I also admire your faith. Some people would have thought that perhaps if they failed, it wasn't meant to be at all and given up completely. I really admire you and I'm so proud and happy for you.
ReplyDeleteLissa.
Thanks, Lissa. That means a lot coming from you.
ReplyDeleteAnon., sounds like you are meant to teach too!
I'm really glad that you persisted. You have so much courage. I was really disturbed when I read what had happened to you ~ one of the first principles of good assessment is that it should be clear and fair ~ that the learner should be provided with useful feedback and suggestions for direction. (That's policy over here in Western Australia.)
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for picking yourself up after such poor treatment and continuing.
Proud as punch :) (whatever that actually means :P )
ReplyDelete